Monday, August 22, 2011
Back To School Blues
To others this may not be funny, but those of us who have gone through it, will definitely find the humor among the chaos. Between my own and Step Kids, I have raised a total of 9 Children. That is a lot of "Back to School Moments" of Craziness!!
Especially, when just a few days before the start of school, that is when they hold their Orientations. Not only would we NOT get a supply list until that time, every School in the County is pretty much on the same schedule. This result is everyone in the county is making a mad dash at the same time for school supplies. To deal with this, you had to almost be a Magician yielding a Magic Wand, or have the ability to twitch your nose so that you could be in multiple places at once. You know this best when you have more than one Child in School at a time. Even more so if they are in different Schools, such as Elementary, Middle and High School. Sure as years went on, schools tried to compensate by creating so-called Orientation Day Schedules. This would mean, the Elementary School's time slot would be, 8-11, Middle, 10-12, and High School, 12-2.
Ok, now, each Child wants to, first, look their very best because their sole purpose is to see who they are sharing Classes with. But also to seek out that cute Guy or Gal they have had a crush on for weeks, even Months (Yes, to a degree this does even happen in Elementary School). Ok, so now each Child wants to be at their School the exact time it starts, and stay till the very end. They might miss something or someone. These thoughts are shared along with the rest of the entire world, so it seems by the Parking lot outside.
School Parking goes something like this: Wait, sigh, and wait in line to get in. You move at a slow roll, if you're lucky. As you inch in, you see some poor Parent going against that invisible track that all vehicles are supposed to be traveling on. So, you stop and wave her to proceed in front of you. She smiles, waves and you, return the same. You finally make it on to School grounds searching to find an empty spot. Again, you see another wayward Parent wanting to cut in front of you, "Not this time, Sister! You're on a Mission to find a parking spot. At this point, Your Child is now in panic mode because she heard the Bell ring 15 minutes ago. You say to heck with it, because by now, you are just looking for any opening to park in. You find a small space beside the Garbage Dumpster. It has some fencing around it, no one will even see you're parked there, you hope. Because of how you had to park, you hope like heck that it isn't garbage day? Oh well, you don't have time for that now.
Ok time to regroup, take a deep breath and, the hunt begins. First, you must find the office, then; find the paper containing the Class List, on the wall. Next, find the Grade of Your Child. Now read through 200 plus names. You have to inch inward as close to it as possible because you cannot read that fine print, because, of course, you forgot your glasses.
Ok, got it! Now you have to find where THOSE particular groups of Buildings are located. They could be inside, outside, or Portables. Thank goodness there is no upstairs or downstairs, at this School anyways. Finally, you find it, and Your Child's name is not only posted on the door, but it is also listed in the teacher's book. Luckily, you dodged a bullet this time and didn't have to go to the Guidance office to find out why Your Child was switched? OK, so now you wait for your turn. Do you try and sit in one of those very tiny desks next to where your Child found theirs? No, you decide standing would have its benefits in the long run. You finally meet the Teacher, go through all the niceties and get that so important School Supply list. You glance at it, do a double take. Every year that list gets longer and more complicated. You try to think what things you had already picked up. Of course, there are at least 10 more things on here you had no idea you would need. Especially, those 5 boxes of Kleenex and 5 bottles of unscented Hand Sanitizer, why do they need so many? Oh well you shrug it off saying they'll get what they get.
Almost done, now, you do fly-by lookie loos in the directions of last year's Ms. So n So's Class, the Music Room, Library and, finally, the Cafeteria. You open its door, and let out a large Gasp, followed by a deep sigh. More lines! Lines for Locker Locks, PTA Memberships, before & After School Care, & the extremely long Bus Schedule Line... Oh my goodness, you feel your Face getting flushed. Red Bus, Blue Bus, 701 & 702 Bus!? What is happening? your Brain is being Dr. Seuss-ified... Time to go!
You find your way to the secret dumpster spot. Now you're partially blocked in and you realize you have to do it all over again in reverse just to get out of here. Can you go home now? Nope, you have the next School to go to, Middle School.
Same routine as before except this time Your Child will walk 5 steps ahead of you at a pace you know does not exist once School starts when they are going from Class to Class. When Your Child finally locates each of their Classes and hugged a thousand people, they inform you "THEY" are ready to leave. Repeat the Parking Lot pandemonium.
Now, you get somewhat lucky at the next stop. Not only is this the High School, IT is the last School. This time, they don't really care if you even leave your car or if you find a Bench somewhere to sit. Preferably you do this in the shade because while they are looking for Homeroom, they visit with every Guy, Girl, Teacher, Safety Officer, Coach, Office Worker, Custodian, and Lunch Room lady they have ever met. You continue to sit until that time comes when you are extremely important. That is IF, the Checkbook needs to make an appearance, or if some sort of Permission Slip needs to be signed.
Finally, the day is over and you can go home. That is if you can talk your Child into postponing that trip to the Store to get those damn additional School Supplies!
OK, now, here comes the "Funny" part of this "Back to School Story". Time has passed about 20 years from THOSE days. Now I can sit Home and grin from ear to ear as I write this article. Why, because now it is My Kids that are doing these Contortionist Routines with THEIR own Children. A feeling of contentment rises up inside.
I Love being a Grandma!